Since October 15, 2019

Got a Question? Ask our Virtual Service Sponsor

Get answers to your service questions by asking our Virtual AI CA Service Sponsor.

I’ve been asked to speak at a 12 Step meeting…what should I talk about?

Posted on by The Webservant

Carry the Message NOT the Wreckage

Winning the newcomer’s confidence — A 12 Step Speaker Workshop

Facilitated By Cameron F.

“So you’ve been asked to share/speak at a meeting/convention… now what?

Far too often we hear speakers share: drunk-a-logs, war stories, junkie pride tales, even ramblings of incoherent thoughts and minutia of ones’ life. How can we do better?

“Each individual, in their personal stories, describes in their own language and from their own point of view the way they established their relationship with God. (A.A. 4th ed. p. 29)

“We can only clear the ground a bit. If our testimony helps sweep away prejudice…” (A.A. 4th ed. p. 55)

We must be careful not to drift into worry, remorse or morbid reflection, for that would diminish our usefulness to others. (A.A. 4th Ed. p. 86)

You talk too much…time to zip it up!

Communication is the Response You Get!

Learning Objectives:

By the end of this presentation, you’ll be able to:

  • List 10 strategies for overcoming the fear of speaking in front of an audience.
  • List 5 ways to conduct yourself when speaking virtually or in-person.
  • Identify 3 major benefits of speaking to a 12 Step meeting or event.
  • List 3 key elements for a compelling story.
  • Identify 3 ways to win the confidence of newcomers.
  • Know the 3 essential components for a well structured story.
  • Learn 3 ways to dynamically open your share.
  • Know 4 ways to identify and connect with your audience.
  • Identify 5 important ways to describe “what happened?”
  • Describe 3 ways to inspire others to work their program.
  • Learn 3 approaches to dynamically close your talk.

Dare to be outrageously yourself… Create your own style.

90% of the glossophobia is caused by public speaking and is triggered by poor preparation and lack of awareness about methods to manage it.

The Fear of Public Speaking

Glossophobia, also known as the fear of public speaking, affects, to some degree, approximately 73% of the population, with around 15 million people experiencing it daily. This fear is more common than the fear of death and can significantly impact personal and professional lives.

Q: What are we really afraid of when asked to share or speak at meeting, convention or roundup? Make a list of your fears?

Q: Why do your have these fears?

So many times, I’ve seen speakers go to the podium unprepared with no idea what they’re going to say… they just start talking about whatever stream of consciousness comes into their mind.

Ten Strategies for Overcoming  the Fear of Public Speaking

  1. Structure your presentation… avoid “stream of consciousness” sharing. This can be an impediment when it comes to delivering an effective message. The problem with stream of consciousness is that it is sometimes great and sometimes it’s a “bust.” And, if its a great presentation, most steam-of-consciousness speakers cannot duplicate it nor can they learn from their mistakes.
  2. Write down your presentation to further embed it into your thought and memory processes. This is reinforced by rehearsing and practicing your key messages. And there’s lots of opportunities to do this in various discussion oriented meetings to practice and try out your key messages and how they affect your audience. Remember: Know your key messages and avoid memorizing your presentation.
  3. Use your own words and avoid jargon and vulgar language. (know your audience i.e. A.A. vs. C.A. vs. N.A., etc.)
  4. Rehearse your presentation… Practice, Practice, Practice.
  5. Before Speaking: Take time for prayer & meditation: “Instead we let God demonstrate, through us, what God can do. We ask God to remove our fear and direct our attention to what God would have us be. At once, we commence to outgrow fear.” (A.A. 4th p. 68). Center yourself before a share. Relax your body, calm your emotions (deep breaths), still your mind. Visualize your performance, build it clearly in your mind and see its successful outcome.
  6. When speaking, focus on your audience… most importantly… focus on carrying a message to “The Newcomer.” If I focus my thoughts on me and how good I want to look to the audience, I become nervous and inevitably makes mistakes, forget my train of thought, and get flustered. Instead, focus on the newcomer, focus on the person who needs to hear your story… remember I primary purpose is to carry the message to the addict who still suffers.
  7. Record yourself when speaking. Use your smart phone’s “voice recorder.”
  8. Afterwards, listen to yourself speak, make notes and revise your share accordingly. Listening to yourself afterwards is important feedback for understanding what’s working and flowing and what doesn’t work.
  9. Remember, you’ll never have a more accepting and forgiving audience. Twelve Step audiences are most forgiving… they’re going to clap and applaud for you regardless of how well or bad you do.
  10. Share from the “I” perspective and avoid using “YOU” language. Avoid using “YOU” language versus communicating from an “I” perspective. Using “I” I did this, I experienced that… its yours, you own it, nobody can take it from you. With “YOU” language, You need to do this and you need to do that, it can often come across as “preachy” and self-righteous and turn the listening of your audience off.
  11. Have fun!!!

Five Ways to conduct yourself  when speaking virtually

  1. Before presenting, take a look at yourself in the mirror or on camera—make sure you have your up-close and personal face on.” *Women… attention to make-up.
  2. Sit comfortably in your chair (no standing) and make eye contact with camera.
  3. Use a laptop or desktop computer, rather than a phone and make sure your screen is tilted correctly…we don’t want to see your nostrils or the top of your head.
  4. Watch the facial expressions on your audience grid… are they engaged, smiling, laughing, nodding heads…
  5. Smile and speak clearly, modulate your tempo for emphasis and be dynamic.

Five Ways to conduct yourself when speaking in-person

  1. Be well groom, dress appropriately.
  2. Stand in one place, plant your feet firmly… Make eye contact with someone in the audience, speak to that person, then move on to another, then another, pick a person from on side, then the other, also from front to back.
  3. If no mic is present, project your voice as if speaking to someone at the back of the room. “Say it Loud – Say it Proud”
  4. Take note of your audience’s engagement, are they engaged, smiling, laughing, nodding heads…
  5. Smile and speak clearly, modulate your tempo for emphasis and be dynamic.

Suit up for success, you’ll feel and act empowered. Let your deportment shout out to your prospects that you have a real answer.

Three Benefits of Speaking:

1. It Fulfills Tradition Five:

“Our one primary purpose—to carry the message—our hope, faith and courage—Our experience, strength and hope to the alcoholic or addict who still suffers.” Our job is to be of maximum service to God and our fellows.  Meetings should be about our solution, a “pep rally” for the spiritual way of life.  Let’s communicate that “THERE IS A SOLUTION.” Let’s impart our “Hope, Faith and Courage” that’s there’s a way out of this seemingly hopeless state of mind and body.

2. It reinforces our identity as members of a Twelve Step program.

Two recovery genres:  The Recovered Addict versus The Recovering Addict narrative. Recovery stories are consequential for the person’s experience of recovery, since it seems that the telling and retelling of an empowered “Recovered” narrative, with its clear beginnings, turning points, and favourable results may well be critical for a stable and consistent recovery. (Shohet 2007:344).  Such narration articulates, but also facilitates, the Member’s consistent affiliation with and appropriation of 12 Step master narratives (Cain 1991).

Recovered versus Recovering is an old argument. The efficacy of telling and re-telling our story of “What We Were Like” and “What We Are Like Now” reinforces our new identities, it facilitates that Step Three promise: “We were reborn.” (A.A. 4th ed. p. 63)

Alternatively, the telling and retelling of ambiguous “always recovering” narratives, in which the addict questions received spiritual principles, ponder hypothetical life paths not actually pursued, and envision abstinence as both good and bad, may perpetuate a cyclical life course in which relapse recurs and permanent recovery eludes the 12 Step member. (Shohet 2007:344).

Central to the 12 Step recovery culture is the personal story of the recovered addict—“Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now” (A.A. 2001:58).

Conversely…always recovering, never well, always sick, I’m only an “arms length away from my next drink, drug, or act” perpetuates the sick mind… we fail to put our thought life on a higher plane. (A.A. 4th ed. p. 86).

The Member’s personal story reinforces the figured world of 12 Step recovery. These narratives maintain the boundaries that structure and empower the 12 Step recovery culture.

By sharing their personal stories of “what they used to be like”, members identify as addicts. Their “war stories” convey important criteria for potential members to identify and label themselves as addicts (Holland 2001:71).

Furthermore, personal testimonies are significant to newcomers because the storylines of recovered addicts objectify the central cultural elements of the 12 Step world, such as the importance of attending meetings, getting a sponsor, helping other suffering addicts, doing service work for the 12 Step Group.

By listening to the narratives of recovered members, newcomers learn the culture of 12 Step recovery.  The newcomer learns the model of a 12 Step testimonial by listening to other members and through telling their own story, the newcomer comes to understand their own life as a member of a 12 Step program (Holland 2001:71).

The 12 Step rhetorical language provides an attractive element that connects the newcomer to the 12-step culture and assures them that the drinking/using/acting-out problem can be solved—resulting in behavioural transformations of newcomers (Waldram 1997:74).

It’s about teaching our fellowship about how we carry the message.

3. Bill W. suddenly realized in order to save himself, he must carry his message to another alcoholic (addict). (AA. 4thed. p. xvi)

It is important for them (newcomers) to realize that your attempt to pass this (our message of experience, strength & hope) on to them plays a vital part in your recovery. Actually, they may be helping you more than you are helping them. (A.A. 4th ed. p. 94)

Newcomers teach us a lot about our program. Every time I carry the message to a suffering addict, I learn something new about myself, the newcomer and the program.

Three key elements for a compelling story:

  1. Structure: Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now. (A.A. 4th ed. p. 64)
  2. Substance: The message which can interest and hold these alcoholic must have depth and weight. (A.A. 4th ed. p. xxviii)
  3. Outcome:…we believe that it is only by fully disclosing ourselves and our problems that newcomers will be persuaded to say, “Yes, I am one of them too; I must have this thing.” (A.A. 4th ed. p. 29)
Avoid “drunk-a-logs” and “junkie-pride” stories. Our 12 Step audience already knows how to drink, use or act-out. They’re experts at it.

Three ways to win the entire confidence of “Newcomers”

The ex-problem drinker (addict); 2) who has found this solution (a 12 Step Program); 3) who is properly armed with facts about them self (3), can generally win the entire confidence of another alcoholic (addict) in a few hours. Until such an understanding is reached, little or nothing can be accomplished. (A.A. Big Book, 4th ed. 18-19)

My addiction is no longer a problem. I have sobriety and I have a solution – The Big Book of A.A., a recovery recipe. Lastly, I understand my problem, I know what it means to be an addict.

Three Types of Shares

  1. Introductions: Short, less than a minute
  2. Qualifying: Identifying – 3 minutes or less
  3. Main Speaker: Sharing our hope, faith and courage – 20 – 60 minutes

Have a 15, 30, 45, 60 minute version of your talk. Be flexible. Sometimes a meeting’s preamble or members sharing can cut a speaker’s time short. This is why its important to know your presentation and its key messages.

Introducing Ourselves:

When sharing at a meeting, how should I introduce myself?

Hi, my name is ___ and I’m an addict.

Hi, my name is ___ and I’m a recovering addict.

Hi, my name is ___ and I’m a recovered addict.

Hi, my name is ___ and I’m a member of ___.

Hi, my name is ___ and I’m an addict who doesn’t use.

Hi, my name ___ and I’m an addict who knows how to stop.

Hi, my name is ___ and I’m an “intelligent agent, spearhead of God’s ever-advancing creation.”

Qualifying as an “addict”

What qualifies you to share a message?

What are the facts about yourself?

What can you say in three minutes or less that will persuade those in the meeting to say, “Yes, I’m like you and you’re like me, but you don’t do it anymore!”

Key elements include: lack of power, lack of control. Demonstrate the “old self” and the” new self.” Use examples of my opening (how I identify and qualify) “I’m an alcoholic/addict who doesn’t drink or use!” That’s what makes me a “member” of a 12 Step fellowship. If you’re still drinking/using you’re just an untreated alcoholic/addict.

Main Speaker Share:

  1. Opening: Introduce yourself.
  2. Share what we used to be like. Tell an effective “war story” and win the newcomer’s confidence. (A.A. Your Jay-walker story. p. 37-38)
  3. Share what happened. How you hit bottom, reached a turning point, found that jumping off place, that moment of clarity, how you found and worked a 12 Step solution.
  4. Share what we are like today. Talk about the promises fulfilled, how life has taken on new meaning, how we have found the fellowship we crave.
  5. Closing your talk. Your signature sign-off.

You can change the order and structure of your share… for example… I share first, what I was like, then what I’m like today and lastly what happened.

Opening Your Share

  1. Introduce yourself: Example: My name is Cameron and I’m an alcoholic addict who doesn’t drink or use.
  2. Tell humorous analogy or short story
  3. Cite a Big Book quote: “Practical experience shows that nothing insures immunity again drinking, using or acting-out as intensive work with other addicts… it works when all other activities fail.” p. 89

What WE Used to be Like: How to tell our “war story?”

Write out your jay-walker story.

Tell them (newcomers) enough about your drinking (using, acting-out) habits, symptoms, and experiences to encourage them to speak of themselves. Tell them how baffled you were, how you finally learned that you were sick.  Give them an account of the struggles (failed strategies) you made to stop. Show them (newcomers) how the mental twist (how my mind lies to me) which leads to the first drink (drug, act) of the spree.   (A.A. 4th ed. p. 91-92).

List habits, symptoms, and experiences—everyday drinking or using, black-outs, type of drugs, ways of using. Describe the event where you learned you were sick (different) and didn’t drink, use or act out like other people. Identify with your prospect share the  failed strategies.

This part of your presentation illustrates that you are armed with the facts about yourself.

What Happened?

  1. Tell him exactly what happened to you. Stress the spiritual feature freely. (AA. 4th p. 93)
  2. Describe your last “bottom”…that “jumping off place, that turning point, that moment of clarity.”
  3. Talk about how you found your sponsor?
  4. Share your experience of attending meetings and how and when you started your step work.
  5. Share about service work you’ve done?

Tell him exactly what happened to you. Stress the spiritual feature freely, but use everyday language to describe spiritual principles. 12 Steps is a spiritual/moral approach to the efficacy of addition – secular methods seem to fail us. There is no use arousing any prejudice he may have against certain theological terms and conceptions about which he may already be confused. Don’t raise such issues, no matter what your own convictions are. (A.A. 4th ed. p. 93)

What We are like now.

  1. Talk about the “promises” fulfilled in your life.
  2. How has your health, family, work and life has changed.
  3. Share about the fellowship you have found.

State your sobriety time and other changes: i.e. no more raging, more relaxed, calm, serene and centered. Talk about your marriage, children, health (how you fixed your teeth), going back to school, business and retirement. Mention your speaking success, meetings you’ve started, service positions you’ve held, etc.

Signature Sign-off

Close with a short story — an analog — or a Big Book Quote.

Yes, I am one of them too; I must have this thing. (A.A. 4th ed. p. 29)

“We have recovered and been given the power to help others.” (A.A. 4th ed. p. 132)

“I’m Looking forward to hearing your share or talk at the next 12 Step recovery meeting or convention.”

For Speaker Coaching: You can reach out to me 416-533-6024 or cameronfr@gmail.com to discuss your presentation… and if you like we can do a dry run on zoom and record it and you can learn, adapt and improve your share.

Bibliography

Alcoholics Anonymous (A.A.) 2001. Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition. Alcoholics Anonymous World Services Inc. New York.

Cain, Carol 1991. Personal Stories: Identity Acquisition and Self-Understanding in Alcoholics Anonymous. Ethos 19(2):210-253.

Holland, Dorothy C.  2001.  Personal Stories in Alcoholics Anonymous. Identity and Agency in Cultural Worlds. Cambridge, Mass.: Harvard University Press. pp. 66-97

Shohet, Merav 2007. Narrating Anorexia: “Full” and “Struggling” Genres of Recovery Ethos: Journal of the Society for Psychological Anthropology 35 (3):344-382

Waldram, J.B. 1997. Aboriginal spirituality and symbolic healing. In The Way of the Pipe: Aboriginal Spirituality and Symbolic Healing in Canadian Prisons. Canada: Broadview Press, pp. 71-98.